Today has been pretty tame, thankfully. I still have a house full of girls who were up all night playing “light as a feather, stiff as a bored” and “truth of dare”, and ate ALL of the groceries that I just bought yesterday, but everyone has been calm and the meltdowns have been minimal. We had one fight over a blue car, and one over a bag of skittles that mostly ended up in my bathwater after a tug of war game took place in the bathroom where I bathed in front of an audience of 3 boys, but other than that, uneventful. I spent a lot of time with Nick today, which unfortunately just doesnt get to happen too often. Can I just talk about babies growing up for a minute? I promise not to get in my feels, James. He turned 18 on May 13th, and this birthday hit me hard. I cried. I mean UGLY cried. I even made myself even my more miserable by looking through old pictures and flipping through his kindergarten memory binder. I couldn’t stop hugging him, and he even apologized to me for having a birthday. It was a little ridiculous, I admit. People say that raising kids is a tough job. They warn you about the terrible 2’s and even the attitudes of teenagers, but what they dont warn you about is that feeling you get when your baby becomes an adult. I wasnt ready. When he reached the age that I was when he was born, thats when I truly realized how young and absolutely clueless I was and can only thank God that he turned out to be half the person that he is today. When I look at him, I still see chubby cheeks, big blue eyes, and a bowl cut. His eyes are still blue, but his face is now slender and covered with hair, and the bowl cut has long disappeared. I still hear him saying, “I wanna wide the lellow wace car!” from the back seat, in the sweetest little voice. His voice is much deeper now. I remember getting on my knees as he ran up to hug me. I now stand on my tippy toes for a hug. Watching him grow has been the most beautiful thing in the world, but also the most painful. Watching him need me less and less…. It all started with using a spoon, then potty training, riding a bike, first girlfriend, drivers license, first job…. y’all! It makes me want to find a way to keep my other kids from progressing because I know what it leads to- independence, and I don’t like it at all. Stepping back and allowing them to make their own decisions and allowing them to fall, its all just heartbreaking. I think he’s realized that I will always be here to help him up, but I will not carry him. Kind of the same as when he learned to ride that bike with no training wheels. I knew he was going to fall, and most of the time, when he did, it was more painful for me to watch, but he had to get back up on his own and try again. Growing up is inevitable, and life dont give you training wheels.

For those who dont know, we made the decision a few months ago to withdraw Nick from Brighton High School and enroll him into the Gateway Extension Program. The choice was for personal reasons, and I was hesitant at first, but now am certain it was the best choice for him. He had a lot going on in his life, made some poor choices, and while I won’t put to much of his personal business on blast, he was just not thriving in public school anymore. His guidance counselor even agreed, so James and I made the choice together to withdraw him. He does his work at home and I am here, available to assist him if he has questions. We then study for the tests together, and he goes to the school and takes them. He is doing great. He took 4 tests today and made a 100 on all of them, which leaves him with 2 more math tests to take and he will get his diploma. I really am super proud of him. He has so much potential and is finally starting to come around. Hes always been a good kid. Always so well mannered, and did what he was told, just got mixed up with the wrong people, I think. I’m also so glad that he has a dad that he can talk to about anything, even when he dont feel comfortable talking to me.

He asked if I’d be willing to ride with him to take his tests today. I honestly think he was just hoping he could con me into taking him to taco bell for some lunch, but I’ll take any time I can get with him. Car rides with Nick can go 1 of 2 ways. He either doesn’t say a word because he has his earbuds in listening to “his music”, or he talks the entire trip. Today was the latter. I like listening to him talk and seeing him smile. He has the prettiest smile that we paid thousands of dollars for and I don’t get to see it enough. He was in a good mood on the way there, but after he found out he made a 100 of all 4 of his tests, his chest struck out a bit more and he had a real sense of accomplishment. He earned those grades and he was proud of himself. I was also proud of him. He has set goals for himself, and he is so close to marking the first thing off his list- graduating.